Center for Creative Inquiry

Reality Feinting

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the canvas

is a perfect sphere

about four feet in diameter

floating over the floor of my studio

 

that i don’t have a studio

or have ever seen a canvas sphere

let alone

one floating

three feet over

the paint-spattered marble floor

doesn’t matter

because

 

this is

a dream

 

the painter

i think it’s me

long brush in hand

is dabbing the surface of the sphere

with iridescent blue paint

that turns green

the moment it touches

the shimmering canvas

 

in the corner

on the counter

a tea kettle

is boiling away

on a single electric burner

and an old-fashioned radio

at the far end

of the counter

is playing bach

interpreted by joni mitchell

radio big and wooden like the ones

my grandparents had

when i was a kid

 

a kid

the image of one

begins to slowly appear

on the sphere

 

i think i know him

i think i know

who I’m painting

 

it’s uncle henry

my deaf great uncle

who designed wallpaper

for a living

and painted landscapes and portraits

none of which i have anymore

but i have his tools

both in the dream and in waking

and yes it is uncle henry who i’m painting

a little boy back in Russia

way back

in the early nineteen hundreds

 

in my studio

i dance around the sphere

thinking of uncle henry’s rectangular paintings

framed in ornate wooden frames

he carved himself

and i think of how

it was on uncle henry’s lap

when i was eight days old

that i was carved away

of a foreskin

and how

dying of cancer

he spent the last afternoon

of his life

cradled in my scrawny arms

 

there is no fore or after

in this poem

but

there is a boy become a man

appearing in a forest

after he dies

a forest that begins to grow

up and out from the sphere

and i pause

and i ask myself

 

what’s going on here?

as the sphere

grows larger

and i grow

smaller

and uncle henry

beneath the towering trees

becomes

a tall elegant woman

i know is named

Ree

and it’s she

Ree-Ann Ality

it is she

who is holding the brush now

and it is she

Ree

who is turning

to face me

in my bed

laughing

as i wake

to the dawn

of another day

hidden behind

dark curtains

 

as i wake

to the sphere

multicolored

drifting

to the hard cold

marble floor

of my un-studio

gone oval now

that’s painting

the depths of me

and then

slowly

slowly

slowly

beginning

to

un-

fold

Description of Work:

Reality Feinting

inspired by the prompt, over the course of several weeks, i found words and drawings flowing out from me about the dance that an artist does with dreams and reality. multilayered, like a canvas, the poem explores the unfolding of a dream that weaves in and out of my life, a long-dead uncle and reality herself, and ends with one of the drawings.

Description of Process:

i let words and images flow out of me, very like the way that dreams rise up in us. they shift and change over time, and i tinker with and add to them.

What Reality Is Painting

Reality sits in front of her easel

palette in hand

colors ranging from white to gold

from opalescent to ultraviolet and black

 

her smock is a galaxy

I am her upstairs maid

standing silently in the doorway

not wanting to disturb her

pot of steaming tea and her favorite mug

on a small silver tray in my hands

 

her bush is a palm tree

the bristles are

egrets

darting above a

virgin rainforest

 

brush paused

in her left hand

poised

I can make out

already

the jungle

trees

vines

clearing

in the distance

 

I’ve seen her paint this scene before

 

the man

in the background

Reality told me his name

Siddhartha

is slowly walking

toward

Ananda

who I see

from behind

in his long

pink

shining robe

 

I watch the way

Siddhartha

reaches out a hand

and places it

tenderly

on Ananda’s smiling

cheek

and I know

that this

left out of history

is why

he really

left his wife

and why

inspired by Kolita and Sariputra’s

devotion to each other

he is

finally

brave enough

now

to court

his handsome

cousin

About the Author:

Eli Ramer, who writes under the name Andrew Ramer, is an author and meditation teacher who has long been interested in the blending of text, movement, and chanting. Ramer is a co-author of the international bestseller "Ask Your Angels", and of "The Spiritual Dimensions of Healing Addictions" and "Further Dimensions of Healing Addictions." His own books include "Angel Answers", "Revelations for a New Millennium", "Queering the Text", "Deathless", "Torah Told Different", "Fragments of the Brooklyn Talmud", the Lambda Literary Award finalist "Two Flutes Playing", and its newly published companion "Two Hearts Dancing." His next book, "Texting with Angels" will be out later this year.

Description of Work:

What Reality Is Painting

i have been meditating since 1969 and writing poems since around 1959 and this invitation touched me deeply and allowed words to flow. from the query i knew i wanted to write about something buddhist, but i didn't expect to be taken to where i was taken.