I live [comparatively to most people] a fairly solitary life. I live by myself in a cottage near Golden Gate Park in SF. I am a video editor and usually work mostly alone – until it’s time for the client to make changes in ‘real-time’. Even when not working at my cottage, I am usually editing alone in the room at the company I am working for that week [sometimes broadcast tv, sometimes corporate clients, etc].
This past week I was working for a corporate client who sat in my edit suite with me for 3 days straight. The client was constantly on her mobile phone talking [engaged in a conference call or merely talking to her superiors one on one], or on her laptop answering the many emails that chimed in constantly, or on a landline shouting at her assistant. After 3 solid days of this going on for 8 hours a day while I tried to do my work, my mental state started to collapse.
By the last day of the edit my ‘self’ was projecting stories forward and backward and was collapsing space around possibilities. I ended up saying ‘no’ constantly, even before a question was asked I was already ‘married’ to the story that the change could not be executed. pg 149 LOK – “the self wants to become a certain way or attain a certain state. It wants to be happy, to be in possession of something, to be finished, or simply to endure.”
Though I found myself completely unable to shift my mood or alter the stories that my ‘self’ was spinning and marrying, I did NOTICE the activity I was engaged in [and the story I was engaged to] while it was going on. I took solace in the in-the-moment immediate noticing of that activity. Can actual action of working my way out of that state be far behind?