Glowing Journey in Time.

I have felt the pull of sequential time strongly in the past two days, worrying about my kids in a framework (logos) that assumes dire consequences for current behaviour.

Working with LoK exercise 32 & 33 revealed in a surprising way how tied I am to the belief in undesirable consequences proceeding in a linear sequence from current actions and inactions.

I don’t feel that I have had any realization-break-through for another better way to react, but in a surprising way the sense of a (third level) zero point, prior to the discernment of motion, is more calming than the (second level) invocation of a dynamic energy, prior to form.  In the midst of a feeling that energy and dynamic possibilities have fled the field, zero occupancy and motionless time (“being no one going nowhere”) feels like a more generous starting point–for whatever may arise today and tomorrow—than struggling to prepare for a future that may or may not ever come.

At the same time, it was hard to review the past 24 hours going backward (and almost as hard going forwards).  However it was surprising how much easier it was to start in the morning and go forward.  Whole patches of time resurfaced while retracing linear time in the same direction that memory had laid it done into my mind.  This discovery really underscores how much my memory is just an album of sequential time, and not a window into a living dynamic as a living element of my life.  No wonder it feels so artificial rehearsing the previous day backwards—the original memories are themselves pretty artificial.

About Michael Gray

I first started studying TSK in the mid 1980's and have since attended a number of retreats and workshops at the Nyingma Institute, in both TSK and Buddhist themes. I participated in the life-changing Human Development Training Program in 1991, and upon returning to Albuquerque co-founded an organization, Friends in Time (with a friend who has Lou Gehrig's Disease), which continues to serve people with similiar disabilities. I contributed an essay to "A New Way of Being"--the last one in the book--in which I describe how learning to honor who I have been has broadened and deepened my openness to present experience. I live in New Mexico with my wife and two sons.
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