I returned to music as a medium to facilitate these sections of the exercise, specifically the kind of music that draws emotion from me, like the moon pulling on the tides, tilting me toward an overflowing – space swells and what rises to the surface can be surprising. New movement is felt, ‘at the very point reality is conducted into being‘, and forgotten fragments, debris once built, dislodge and lift from the deep. I do not hold back, allowing the whimsy of currents to take me wherever they may run. -David
D. When mind conducts emotions and emotionality, setting thought into play accordingly, who is aware? Who is the one who notices mind? How do you investigate these questions?
With an allowing approach, expectant, even curious, as if anticipating the splendor of sunrise over water, the music’s wave and lilt carries me out to sea. At one surge I begin to feel a hollow, an absence, the pain of loss, and the thought arises that in a few days it will be a year since my wife’s passing. Memories of her and our decades together flood my space, eyes well up as a fullness of the flow rises with the music. Near her death she urges me to continue after she passes, to find someone and make a life. She even tells me who to connect with; a friend from my college days, the one for whom she always knew I had special feelings. The selfless gesture twists at the ache in the center of me, bringing more tears.
The inquiry, ‘who is aware?‘ A response lifts from beyond the horizon, this moving embodiment, this diaphony that briefly suspends then continues gathering sensory entanglements, connections, memories, this context of feelings I identify in space and time, as me. But as that answer comes another billows, no one, no who, a non-assembler, the process of identifying suspends, and in its wake locating suspends, awareness floats, there is awareness of sensations of sound and feeling, but not insisted upon as such by discursive activity.
The inquiry, ‘how do I investigate these question?‘ From beyond the dark horizon comes… by reflecting, by looking back over the memory of the experience, by carefully replaying the clip, a formulation comports, a structuring was fitted, a happening was named and identified as ‘mine‘. A memory had been triggered by emotion built rebuilt by a symphony of sound, married to feeling, held and reviewed, drenched in an ongoing responsive flow and allowing space… by being available to this experience as fully as I am able, ‘at the very point reality is conducted into being‘.
E. Can you know with a knowing that does not rely on words? Is it possible to read mind to mind, awareness to awareness? Practice conducting without content, without voices, before language. Conduct mind as space, knowing conducting knowing the conducted.
The link below is to something I posted back in September. The second entry in that post describes my experience with the lover my dear wife suggested I reconnect with shortly before she passed. A question arose for me, can one person have more than one ‘love of their life‘? The answer is, of course they can. Time, space, and knowledge is ever available as self, evolves, transforms, and experiences.