I have many documents of my parents (letters etc.) from the second world war in Germany and Russia. I want to arrange them to give them my children; perhaps they can learn from history , from thinking and behavior of their grandparents.
These documents are very depressing. By working through this material I feel my reactions with body and mind like an echo of my ingrained structures , build up in early years of my life: sadness, like having heavy weights on my feets and on my heart.
Reading these documents and thinking about them I ask: how can I live in the future , cultivating appreciation for all what is coming in my life?
My parents: I now can look at their whole life: how should/could (?) THEY appreciate their future (my father died in the war, my mother after a cruel fate had cancer)? WE hear of many “positiv” aspects of the future. Does the future also present dark sides, negativ “Karma”, cruel fate?
And I myself ? I can stop reading and for example looking out of the window, that means, I cut up my contact to the past by force and repress thoughts about my parents and my past. – It seems better for me (and my parents) to be patient and (this thought came one day) to cultivate the Four Immesurables (compassion, love, equanimity and joyfulness).
What means: to think about love, deeper and deeper, the roots of love, the love of knowledge, a rose infront of me, a lotus flower, and my parents and little Peter in the background. And here and now I can begin to live (a little bit more) “in the future”.