I’m sitting on the porch again looking at the field of tall grass, mostly golden, like wheat in the sun. Suddenly, flash movement from the left, a dark figure jumping running, a young buck with antlers about six inches long. He’s dark-brown in contrast to the golden grass, a silhouette in motion, and just as suddenly he stops, poised, head tilted to the side listening, smelling perhaps, as the sun highlights his muscular flank. Haltingly and alert he moves on out of view, and the field is as it was, except an interesting moment had passed for me.
The practice instructions were, “simply to be aware of what captures your attention as being given (communicated) as part of a field communiqué, an awareness that will naturally lead you to focus on the field.” It is perhaps a kind of double entendre that I was actually looking at the field behind my house, and relating it to a TSK field of co-referring manifestations, as I decided to look up from my computer and explore this practice. So seeing or looking became where or how I focused awareness. I didn’t consciously tell myself a story, “I’m going to look up from the computer and see the field.” There was just the intent to look away from the computer screen and practice, no imagining what the next instant would reveal. I was in some sense open to whatever presented through the not-knowing of not-imagining. What presented was both familiar and a surprise. I watched like one animal might watch another; intently absorbed, basic, feeling another presence. The description above in the first paragraph hadn’t even occurred to me at this point, I wasn’t self-aware of what captured my attention in any ‘meaningful’ way, until I began reflecting on it.
In nano-like increments, though, a pause in this basic absorption with seeing occurred, and there was a staccato awareness of myself watching; the reflecting observer was here, an embodiment of feelings and alert awareness, a constellation of memories about myself, past views from the porch, the passing of deer individually and in groups from other times, other days, other colors, other referrings began to flood in, identifications had begun. Naming and comparing of colors with memories, and then a pause…like the deer, haltingly and alert moving on out of view… I returned to a near hypnotic fascination with the deer standing in the field, with little or no thought. This silent moment was once again followed by more words, and a meaningful description began to take form that would eventually become the first paragraph above.
It seems the field of my awareness encompasses a constellation of all I can remember going back decades, and all I can sense here and now, and each new now, brings to the fore the old and the new.