The Self Takes Us Over

I’ve been challenging myself, that is, saying ‘no’ to different things I want — to see how that feels.  The obvious thing I noticed was that giving in to the desire, or saying ‘yes’ to it happened only once, but when I said ‘no’ I did so repeatedly — the desire kept returning.  Watching that insistence was interesting, it was like an urge nudging me.  It often arose in the form of an imagined feeling and image; how I would feel and even look enjoying what I wanted.  This was a definite pulling apart from where I was just prior to the arising of this desired or imagined pleasure.  Because just prior to the desire I remember just moving with whatever presented itself; sometimes I was watching TV, another time I was reading.  Both times I was engaged with that activity without much distraction.

Saying ‘no’ to the desire as it arose in my imagination actually produced a tinge of anxiety, because I realized I would remain separate from what I imagined, there would be no satisfaction, but on the other hand, this inquiry was also interesting, and I wanted to see where it led.  So it would seem another desire took the place of the original one.  I thought this was curious too; observing how I was being led from one subtle desire to another.  I thought of what Michael quoted from Kafka was probably true, ‘the self takes us over’.

David

About David Filippone

I have been a student of Tarthang Tulku’s Time, Space, Knowledge (TSK) vision for over twenty-five years. For the past twelve years, I’ve studied TSK and Full Presence Mindfulness with Jack Petranker, director of the Center for Creative Inquiry (CCI). I have also participated in programs offered by Carolyn Pasternak of the Odiyan Center. For the past several years, I have curated the CCI Facebook page, which is often TSK-focused, and I serve on the CCI Board of Directors. The CCI Facebook page can be found at the following link... https://tinyurl.com/ybyfolcf
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