DTS pg 117 from one single thought almost from one single word we can conduct the whole.
The above line was my favorite from all the readings so far. I would like to cut the word “can” from it and have it just read “from one single thought almost from one single word we conduct the whole.” That is very true for me and is something that TSK has been helping me work thru, though until this chapter it hadn’t been put down in one succinct sentence. Habitually as I wake up I think of what I have to do for the day and conduct the whole forward. I write the story before I inhabit the story. I have been catching myself doing this more and more and working on letting that construct go. A self-liberation, if you will, from trapping myself in a story, from waking up with everything already having “happeneded.”
Here’s an excellent example of something that happened a few years ago. I have always kept this story with me and now, after last weeks reading, it holds even more meaning for me–
A few years back I had Jury Duty. We were all crammed into the Jury Room waiting. It was hot. It was crowded. I chatted with a few women near me but mostly sat quietly. One woman off to the side kept sighing… heavily. Every few seconds she’d let out another heavy sigh. Finally, when I had accidentally made eye contact with her, she spoke,
Lady – I decided that I was going to hate this day.
me – Oh really?
Lady – I wish I was at work.
me – You must really like your job.
Lady – No I hate my job.
Then she began to enumerate all the ways in which her job was awful.
me – At least you get a paid day off from all that craziness at your job.
Lady – Everyone hates Jury Duty. I knew I was going to hate this day when I woke up this morning.
And so her story – already conducted forward from the very first moment of her awakening that morning – played out exactly as she had pre-written it. She did infact hate her day. I worked hard not to be brought down with her.
I have had only 2 days off in the past 30 days. It’s been exhausting but I’ve tried to hold to that notion that I don’t have to write my whole day out ahead of time. I can pause and remind myself to allow the day to write itself and give the witness/narrator a break… at least for a little while.